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Well actually not new but, I met this new guy named romeous. He seems nice AND he says he is looking for a relationship. Much like what I'm looking for. Well I got a reading by a psychic and she said i'm going to have a disappointment in love! Which totally sucks! However, I consulted different psychics and they were wrong. Like I was told by this one psychic that me and Hector were going to get back together and of course, that never happened. But, I am optimistic! I mean I have been taking things slow and I have been honest with him about issues that I have and my concerns. He said he is cool with that. Which is nice. Appearance wise, he looks weird, but if he is authentic with what he says he wants, a relationship then, I should definitely explore the option. We decided to meet tomorrow actually today and I am nervous I mean I sent him pics but, a person always wants to see the full visual in person! So, I'm nervous but I hope we have a good time. I'm looking forward to it. And, hopefully something good comes from it! I mean I am going to take things slow and see where it goes from here! No more rushing and having unrealistic expectations. Wish me luck guys!

Well today I feel kinda good! I downloaded some mantras from youtube into my ipod. I try to listen to them before I got to sleep or when i'm at school so they can go directly into my subconscious. A sort of willing brainwashing if you will. Anyways, I made a big decision in my life. I am putting my search for love on hold. I dedicated myself to loving myself first and taking care of my needs and establishing who I am to the universe. This, I feel is most important to me due to the state of my being currently and the state of the world at large. I am not common, never will be and why do I keep trying to fit in? I believe party, that its due to fear. The fear of me coming into my own and accepting myself fully. Scary shit I tell you! But, it must be done those who are truly happy took their down destiny into their hands. I want to be one of those people. Where ever my life leads me so shall it be! I feel great saying this! It gives me motivation to move on and to proceed. But, all this repressed fear, anger, despair and all this crap in my system gots to go! All the bad karma I accumulated over the years got to go! It's hell but, I gotta do it cause no one else is going to do it for me. Actually, I feel now that eventually i'm going to move on beyond the darkside, beyond the goth, beyond this site! Whatever happens happens, I would like to think the dark will always be within me but, I don't want to hold onto a system that no longer serves me! It's a long ass road ahead but I gotta do what I gotta do. Anyways, I wish to spread my enthusiasm and determination to all of those who read my journal. Take the intent and do what you will with it. Anyways, good luck to you all. Bring the glory of the stars into the hearts of men.

Toodles.

Well I got midterms today! really don't want to take it. I feel pretty good today. I feel grateful and I am of sound body and mind and that I am not a sheeple! I don't follow the crowd or follow norms. I am my own person. As with everyone else, I have my flaws and insecurities but i'm working on them. Unlike most people I don't try to hide or deny them. But, with special events coming up in the world I am going to have to prepare myself mentally, spiritually, emotionally etc.. I am the only one who has the power to free myself as it is all up to me! No one else! What do I mean? Well with the coming date of dec 21, 2012 I want to evolve my being and join the infinity of consciousness in the stars! I am going to try my best. In other news, I have to study I have a test in my substance abuse class. Also, gotta go to two AA meetings (No im not an alcoholic nor do I drink) I have to write two papers I better get on top on it. We'll see how it goes Pray for me! Also, I need to go to a concert to write another paper for my music appreciation class. Geez! I am such a procrastinator. I just been feeling so drained lately that I put myself in self imposed isolation. Slowly but surely coming out of my shell.

Well just been taking things easy. No stress. I have been sleeping a lot. Been slacking off a bit in school. Not cool. But, I am getting my momentum up. Slowly but surely. We'll see what happens. Always like to remain neutral. Also, found a mouse in my house shoe. Yuck! Actually my nephew found it. Don't tell me I have mice in my crib. I wanna puke. It's so gross. I'm here at school. need to do homework but im procrastinating. As usual. Ha Ha. Oh well the work will get done. I work best under pressure and deadlines. Anyways, met a guy the day before yesterday he seems really nice. Sounds educated. It seems like he's into me as he called me all day yesterday. Said he wants something serious but he's a truckdriver. Never dated a truckdriver. The schedule from what he told me seems hectic. I dunno. I'm kinda jaded and cynical after the fiasco with hector. I'm not really trusting any guy. After hector, everytime I thought about him i cry. Sometimes I still cry. But it's a step in the healing process I guess. I want to leave hector in the past. I want to never go back ever again. They say everything happens for a reason.